"You know what you need for the New Year? A good swift kick in the butt. God knows that you deserve it. You know you deserve it. So why not treat yourself? And the ButtKicker is just the right tool for the job.

Imagine this, if you will; It's Saturday night. You rigged up your surround sound for optimal performance. There is a speaker in every corner and cranny of your den. You rented the notebook so that your girlfriend will see what a sensitive guy of the modern world you are. And she'll hear that whiny little punk who stars in it whine throughout the whole movie from every direction. Hey, didn't he play a murdering sociopath once? Ah well, another day another dollar for an actor. But right now, it's sensitivity time. And you have a secret weapon hiding under the couch. No, not the doll. That's for backup in case you screw this whole thing up."